Friendships After 75
Friendships change as we grow older. We may have fewer friends than we did at 40 or 50, but that doesn't necessarily mean our social lives are less satisfying.
Retirement, relocation, and the loss of longtime friends can change our relationships. Yet growing older may also change what we want from friendship.
Perhaps the most interesting question isn't how many friends we have, but what makes our friendships meaningful.
Why Fewer Friends May Be Enough
Psychologist Laura Carstensen of Stanford University developed a theory called socioemotional selectivity theory.
Her research suggests that as people become more aware that time is limited, they often place greater importance on emotionally satisfying relationships.
Younger adults may maintain broader social networks partly because they are interested in meeting new people, exploring opportunities, and gathering information.
Older adults often become more selective, preferring to spend time with people they particularly enjoy.
This doesn't mean older people lose interest in making friends. Rather, they may become less interested in maintaining relationships that provide little satisfaction.
Having fewer friends can sometimes reflect changing priorities rather than increasing social isolation.
Loneliness Isn't the Same as Being Alone
Researchers distinguish between social isolation and loneliness.
Social isolation refers to having relatively few social contacts or interactions. Loneliness is the feeling that our relationships don't provide the connection we want.
The distinction matters.
Someone who lives alone, enjoys reading, and maintains a few close friendships may feel perfectly content. Another person may participate in numerous activities yet still feel lonely.
Studies have associated both loneliness and social isolation with poorer health outcomes, although they do not always affect people in the same way.
The number of people around us isn't necessarily a good measure of how connected we feel.
Can New Friendships Become as Meaningful as Old Ones?
Longtime friendships have something that newer relationships cannot immediately provide: shared history.
Friends who have known each other for decades remember our earlier lives, families, careers, and experiences.
But friendships formed later in life can offer something different.
People who meet at 75 or 80 may share similar current interests, circumstances, and challenges. They may also have more time to enjoy one another's company.
A friendship doesn't necessarily require decades to become meaningful.
And sometimes a new friend understands our present circumstances better than someone who has known us since childhood.
Old friendships connect us to our past. New friendships can help us enjoy the present.
What Does Research Tell Us?
Psychologist Laura Carstensen of Stanford University has found that older adults often become more selective about friendships, placing greater value on emotionally satisfying relationships than on large social networks.
A major analysis of 148 studies involving more than 300,000 participants found that people with stronger social relationships had approximately 50% greater odds of survival.
Other studies have linked loneliness and social isolation to depression, cardiovascular disease, and cognitive decline. However, these observational findings do not establish cause and effect.
The research suggests that meaningful relationships may matter more than simply having many friends.
Friendship in Retirement Communities
One advantage of retirement communities is that opportunities to meet people are readily available.
Shared meals, concerts, lectures, discussion groups, and other activities bring residents together repeatedly.
That repeated contact can help friendships develop naturally.
But living among hundreds of people doesn't guarantee meaningful relationships. Some residents enjoy extensive social activity, while others prefer a few close friends and more time alone.
Neither approach is necessarily better.
The important question is whether people have the companionship and connections they want.
When Friendships Change
One of the unavoidable realities of growing older is losing friends through illness or death.
These losses can be particularly painful when friendships have lasted for decades.
Developing new relationships doesn't replace the people we've lost. But it can bring new experiences and companionship into our lives.
And friendships sometimes develop unexpectedly, even among people who initially seem to have little in common.
The Important Point
We often assume that a successful social life means having many friends and participating in numerous activities.
But research on aging suggests a different possibility: as we grow older, we may become better at recognizing which relationships matter most.
Perhaps one advantage of growing older is learning that friendship is less about the number of people in our lives and more about the pleasure and meaning we find in being together.
Learn More
Analysis of 148 studies examining the relationship between social connections and survival.
Laura Carstensen of Stanford University explains why older adults often become more selective about friendships, placing greater importance on emotionally meaningful relationships rather than expanding their social circles.
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